Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Deutschland: The List Edition

     So sue me, but I'm feeling too lazy to write a genuine blog. I promise, I'm saving all my good stories for a final end-of-April post! In the meantime, enjoy these random compilations. There are sort of a lot, so feel free to peruse as you like:

Five Items You Probably Won't Find at an American McDonald's
1. Beer
2. Baked Camembert with cranberry sauce
3. Shrimp McWrap
4. Cornetto McFlurry
5. McCroissant

10 Things that Will Never Catch on in America
1. Payment for newspapers on the "honor system"
2. Not tipping in restaurants
3. Postal workers delivering mail on bikes (even in the rain. And snow)
4. Closing the entire city for any and every religious holiday
5. Brotzeit : bread and cheese for dinner. Every day.
6. Drying clothes on lines instead of a dryer, then having to iron EVERYTHING.
7. Trials that are judged by a judge and no jury. (Ever. Isn't that weird?)
8. Everyone speaking at least one foreign language
9. Bringing your own basket to the store. (& just walking to the store.)
10. All shops being closed on Sundays

10 Things That Really Should Catch on in America
1. Laufrads (bikes without pedals for little kids)
2. Sorting trash into glass, paper, compost, and hazardous waste
3. Bookstores providing comfortable seating for more than 5 people (to you, B&N)
4. Adding tax to individual items on menus so it's easier to split checks
5. Not having a problem with people wanting to split checks
6. Riding bikes almost everywhere
7. The trash service comes in the morning before the trucks and put your cans on the street for you
8. Ruhezeit -- no loud music, mowing lawns, etc. from 12-2 every day so kids can nap
9. Beer as an acceptable beverage at all hours. Even with breakfast.
10. Taking two hours for a meal. And for coffee.

5 Things I Will Never Understand
1. Not teaching kids to read until they're 6 or 7 years old
2. That elementary school goes from 8 AM to 11 AM every day (and that's all. What?)
3. That you have to pay for ketchup at McDonald's
4. Why the people who invented German thought der, die, and das were necessary
5. Why people don't drink water. And why "still" water is gross.

10 Things Americans are Way Better At
1. Free, cold, automatically-refilled water at restaurants
2. Free restrooms
3. Cheap food
4. Throwing away cigarette butts
5. Not smoking in public places
6. Separation of church and state (which, to be fair, Germany definitely isn't even trying for)
7. Choice of fast food
8. Going to the gym
9. Streets wide enough for cars to pass each other
10. Good television shows

10 Things Germans are Way Better At
1. Public transportation
2. Alcohol regulation (read: no open-container laws)
3. Cheap alcohol
4. Delicious bread
6. Throwing away everything but cigarette butts
7. Gun control/crime control/general safety
8. Availability of ethnic food
9. Taking advantage of beautiful weather
10. Health insurance/maternity leave (guaranteed your job back up to three years after child's birth)

12 British v. American Words I Most Frequently Screw Up
1. bin (trashcan)
2. pants (underwear)
3. trousers (pants)
4. stabilisers (training wheels)
5. boot-skates (roller skates)
6. rocket (arugula)
7. cappie (baseball cap)
8. tomAHto (tomAYto)
9. tracksuit (sweats/sweat pants)
10. soother (pacifier)
11. nappy (diaper)
12. mobile (cell phone)

5 American Songs Germans Love
1. Sweet Caroline
2. Hit the Road, Jack
3. Sweet Home Alabama
4. Summer of '69
5. Hotel California

5 Bavarian Foods That Will Never Be Popular Outside of Germany
1. Leberwurst (liverwurst)
2. Leberkäse (beef, pork, bacon, onion meatloaf, kind of)
3. Obatzda (horseradish garlic camembert dip)
4. Knödel (large bread dumplings served in beef sauce)
5. Steckerlfisch (a whole fish with a stick through it cooked over an open fire)

6 Biggest Munich Breweries
1. Augustiner
2. Hacker-Pschorr
3. Hofbräu
4. Löwenbräu
5. Paulaner
6. Spaten

5 Grossest/Least-Favorite Au Pair Chores
1. Emptying the "Bio" trash (old food from the week. Sort of like carrying around the contents of a garbage disposal.)
3. Hanging up washing. Specifically the other-people's-underwear part
4. Wiping kiddie bums/holding kiddies whilst they perform urgent bodily functions in public places
5. Being farted on by kids. Okay, not a chore, but it happens so frequently it should be.

10 Food Items I Desperately Miss
1. Fat-free milk
2. Cheap Mexican food
3. Black beans
4. Cookies (Germans rock at pastries but are AWFUL at cookies.)
5. Reese's peanut butter cups
6. Sushi that is a) cheap and b) not served on a conveyor belt
7. Cheddar cheese
8. Good breakfast cereals
9. Brown sugar
10. Doritos

5 Top Milka Flavors
1. Toffee
2. Vanilla pudding
3. Whole hazelnut
4. Chocolate-covered lentil
5. Oreo

5 Things I've Found in my Purse
1. Dead flowers that were "for Mami und Papi!"
2. About 10 acorns Kilian found at the park and insisted were hazelnuts
3. Any one of Cliona's four "Hazi" stuffed rabbits
4. A pacifier (no longer, thank goodness)
5. Chunks of pretzel from who knows how long ago

5 Dumbest Reasons Kilian has Thrown Temper Tantrums
1. He didn't like his birthstone (that was today. Seriously.)
2. Cliona found her mom's keys and he didn't.
3. There was ham sticking out of the side of his sandwich.
4. I successfully caught him with "Look, a distraction!"
5. Cliona got more juice than him.
Weisse spargel

Unusual Produce Commonly Found at the Market
1. Leeks
2. Rhubarb
3. Currants (Johannisbeeren)
4. Watercress
5. Dragon fruit
6. White asparagus (Which I think looks like...well, I'll let you decide)

10 Most Amusing German Names
1. Jürgen
2. Moritz
3. Bernhardt
4. Ansgar
4. Florian
1. Leonie
2. Sylke
3. Sabine
4. Marijke
5. Ulrike

4 Fashion Choices that are Only Acceptable in this Country
1. Shorts with nylons
2. Moustaches that are obviously created with a curling iron
3. Colorful silk scarves on men
4. Socks with sandals

Okay, that's all I've come up with! A wonderful week to you all--I promise another blog before May!
Super concerned  with the fate of whatever cartoon character they're watching

Pretty girl on the way to the park


  1. I loved this one! Truth is I like lists.

  2. Chocolate covered lentil???? And, I have to confess, I just now finished a Reese's....good one, Laura! I like the lists, too!