Unpacked.

Packing Up My Suitcase Heart

     Well, dear, dear, readers, we have officially come full circle.

     One year ago today, I arrived in Germany, scared out of my mind for the year that was to come, and having no idea what to expect.

     And exactly 366 days later ( it was a leap year), here I am, sitting on my parents' couch in Yucaipa.

    I've been back for about four days at this point. I know I should be saying how amazing it is to be home, how much I've missed the spirit of America and the beauty of our country and the freedom we have like nowhere else in the world...but in all honesty, after four days, I've had enough of America to keep me going for at least another year. When's my flight back to Germany again?

    I'm not trying to be depressing, just to be honest. There are things here that I have missed. I did my laundry yesterday in ONE HOUR. WASHING AND DRYING. It was incredible. And I went to a restaurant last night, and not only did I get free refills on my coke, there was unlimited ice water! Without having to ask for it! Ah, the beauty. I do get carded at restaurants again, though, which is kind of annoying. It's wonderful to see my parents and sister (and dog!!), and I'm looking forward to seeing the rest of my family this weekend and getting together with some friends I've missed. Tomorrow is move-in day at a condo in Long Beach, and then life shall begin in earnest. Life here, I mean.

    In the interest of full disclosure, this blog title is a lie. I have not unpacked. At all. Other than like four underwears and my camera cord.

    Moving on, I'll save you some time and answer some of the more obvious questions you may have:

• Yes, I'm glad to be home...but only about 30% glad.

• No, it is not the most amazing thing ever to get to drive again. I mean, really? Cars aren't that exciting. And as to the comparison in commutes...

Typical drive in Germany (I mean, not THAT typical, but not that extraordinary either)

Typical drive in Southern California. Mmm, smell those auto fumes. It's kind of like coming home to a third-world
country.

• No, I did not miss American beer. (I don't really know who would be dumb enough to ask that, but just in case). 

• Yes, I do love how cheap everything is here.
• Yes, I did go to the Disneyland castle in Germany.
• The food I missed the most was [good] Mexican. And Reese's. NOM.

For any inquiries you may apply to me personally.

    The weird thing about being back in the home that I grew up in is how familiar everything is. I'm starting to feel like I was never away at all. It was weird and new to be home and see my parents and sister for maybe...five minutes. And then it was like it always has been. Except my mom's redone the kitchen and I can't find ANYTHING. And I had a minor panic attack when I forgot to take off my shoes when I walked into the family room. And, you know, I tried to speak German to the Hispanic cleaning lady yesterday. Also, my parents got an electric couch. What? I don't know either. But other than that? I might as well have never left.

    It scares me to think of that happening. Of getting sucked back in to the person I always was, always have been in this place and this world. My niche is still waiting for me and it would be so easy to be that person again. But I don't want to be that person! I feel like I grew so much this year--I went through the toughest breakup of my life, and not only did I not let it break me, I thrived! It took me awhile, but I think towards the end I really jumped in both feet first (is that how that metaphor goes?). I spoke German with strangers, I went to bars alone and met random people, I swam in rivers and drank beer on public monuments, drove for extended periods of time in strangers' cars with large men who didn't speak anything but Hungarian, and managed to keep two children alive and healthy for a year.

   I am so, so grateful for the chance I had to live abroad for the year. That, somehow, the stars aligned for me to end up in the most amazing city I have ever been, with the best host family, the coolest choir, and the most wonderful friends. Considering I jumped into the whole au pair thing with about half an hour of consideration (and even less time deliberating about the family that had asked me to come), I got so, so, so incredibly lucky.

    Living away from home--and I mean far away, not college in the next town--taught me so much. It sounds trite, but it really is true.

• You don't have to have a shared background, history, homeland, or even language to be friends with someone.
• There are vastly more good, interesting, genuinely kind people walking this earth than we give it credit for.
• For so many people, out of sight really is out of mind, and it's a sobering thing to come home to. 

•  You can give someone everything you know how to give them and it still won't be enough.
• SAD (seasonal affected disorder) is totally a real thing. Everyone but the Californians have long since accepted this. 

• And where your home is has nothing to do with where you were born, where you grew up, or the people you know. Your home is where your heart wants it to be. 

     It feels trite and silly to say that Munich is my home. Obviously I've spent the better portion of my 23 years in Southern California. But being back here gives me nothing of the sense of contentment I found in Munich toward the end of my time there. And as silly as it sounds, I really did lose my heart there. Or found myself there. Or any cliche of the sort. And funny enough, I went through a year in a foreign country with only the teensiest bit of homesickness. But this week, back at home? Crazy homesick. For brez'n, spätzle, die U-Bahn, Nußschnecken, Weißbier...the list goes on.

     Right now, fresh off a plane, I know I see the imperfections and flaws much more than anything else. That's natural. If you showed me a gorgeous view of the LA skyline at sunset, I would be disgusted at the smog. And I hope know that will pass. But right now...I just want to go back home. I don't know if I hope California will become home for me again or not. But I've always wanted the option of living somewhere else, and it's gratifying to know that I am not so attached to Southern California that I couldn't live anywhere else.  I suppose to have this all work out perfectly, something awful would have happened my last day in Munich so I could have left angrily and been overjoyed to leave Germany behind and be in California again. But that didn't happen. And that's okay. I'd rather stay in love with Germany than end our beautiful time together with a fight. We'll just have to be long-distance lovers for a while.

     To my wonderful family and friends who have been so faithful about reading this blog, I appreciate it so much, and really, it means more to me than I can say. Every comment and "like" warmed my heart, and it made the hard parts of this year so much easier to have so much love and support coming at me from afar!

    As of the posting of this blog, I have 4,774 views (so please look 226 more times so I can break 5,000! And remember, if anyone goes to Antarctica, please take a look. For me?) And though you probably don't care, I find it fascinating--the country ranking! And please tell me who all my friends in Russia are.

    I've had some requests to continue this blog, so if that would be something you'd be interested in...let me know? Send encouraging telepathic thoughts? I've never kept a blog before, but this year really taught me how useful and fun they can be! There's no way I could have told even a fraction of my readers about the things I did without good old Packing Up My Suitcase Heart.

     For anyone who's curious, the name of this blog is taken from one of my favorite songs by The Weepies: 

"And all that time, I felt just fine
I held so many people in my suitcase heart
That I had to let the whole thing go
It was taken by the wind and snow
And I still didn't know that I was waiting
For a girl on a slow pony home"

    And to my friends back on the other side of the Atlantic, thank you, more than I can say, for playing your part in this incredible experience. I miss you all, and if any of you wins the Lotto, I expect your presence to come to this continent to see me as soon as possible.

Paolo, Sean, ME, Noe, Sarah, Flo, Louise

   And to you, Munich? Well...don't forget me, please. I'll be back.

Deutschland: The List Edition

     So sue me, but I'm feeling too lazy to write a genuine blog. I promise, I'm saving all my good stories for a final end-of-April post! In the meantime, enjoy these random compilations. There are sort of a lot, so feel free to peruse as you like:


Five Items You Probably Won't Find at an American McDonald's
1. Beer
2. Baked Camembert with cranberry sauce
3. Shrimp McWrap
4. Cornetto McFlurry
5. McCroissant

10 Things that Will Never Catch on in America
1. Payment for newspapers on the "honor system"
2. Not tipping in restaurants
3. Postal workers delivering mail on bikes (even in the rain. And snow)
4. Closing the entire city for any and every religious holiday
5. Brotzeit : bread and cheese for dinner. Every day.
6. Drying clothes on lines instead of a dryer, then having to iron EVERYTHING.
7. Trials that are judged by a judge and no jury. (Ever. Isn't that weird?)
8. Everyone speaking at least one foreign language
9. Bringing your own basket to the store. (& just walking to the store.)
10. All shops being closed on Sundays

10 Things That Really Should Catch on in America
1. Laufrads (bikes without pedals for little kids)
2. Sorting trash into glass, paper, compost, and hazardous waste
3. Bookstores providing comfortable seating for more than 5 people (to you, B&N)
4. Adding tax to individual items on menus so it's easier to split checks
5. Not having a problem with people wanting to split checks
6. Riding bikes almost everywhere
7. The trash service comes in the morning before the trucks and put your cans on the street for you
8. Ruhezeit -- no loud music, mowing lawns, etc. from 12-2 every day so kids can nap
9. Beer as an acceptable beverage at all hours. Even with breakfast.
10. Taking two hours for a meal. And for coffee.

5 Things I Will Never Understand
1. Not teaching kids to read until they're 6 or 7 years old
2. That elementary school goes from 8 AM to 11 AM every day (and that's all. What?)
3. That you have to pay for ketchup at McDonald's
4. Why the people who invented German thought der, die, and das were necessary
5. Why people don't drink water. And why "still" water is gross.

10 Things Americans are Way Better At
1. Free, cold, automatically-refilled water at restaurants
2. Free restrooms
3. Cheap food
4. Throwing away cigarette butts
5. Not smoking in public places
6. Separation of church and state (which, to be fair, Germany definitely isn't even trying for)
7. Choice of fast food
8. Going to the gym
9. Streets wide enough for cars to pass each other
10. Good television shows

10 Things Germans are Way Better At
1. Public transportation
2. Alcohol regulation (read: no open-container laws)
3. Cheap alcohol
4. Delicious bread
5. CHOCOLATE
6. Throwing away everything but cigarette butts
7. Gun control/crime control/general safety
8. Availability of ethnic food
9. Taking advantage of beautiful weather
10. Health insurance/maternity leave (guaranteed your job back up to three years after child's birth)


12 British v. American Words I Most Frequently Screw Up
1. bin (trashcan)
2. pants (underwear)
3. trousers (pants)
4. stabilisers (training wheels)
5. boot-skates (roller skates)
6. rocket (arugula)
7. cappie (baseball cap)
8. tomAHto (tomAYto)
9. tracksuit (sweats/sweat pants)
10. soother (pacifier)
11. nappy (diaper)
12. mobile (cell phone)


5 American Songs Germans Love
1. Sweet Caroline
2. Hit the Road, Jack
3. Sweet Home Alabama
4. Summer of '69
5. Hotel California



5 Bavarian Foods That Will Never Be Popular Outside of Germany
1. Leberwurst (liverwurst)
2. Leberkäse (beef, pork, bacon, onion meatloaf, kind of)
3. Obatzda (horseradish garlic camembert dip)
4. Knödel (large bread dumplings served in beef sauce)
5. Steckerlfisch (a whole fish with a stick through it cooked over an open fire)


6 Biggest Munich Breweries
1. Augustiner
2. Hacker-Pschorr
3. Hofbräu
4. Löwenbräu
5. Paulaner
6. Spaten




5 Grossest/Least-Favorite Au Pair Chores
1. Emptying the "Bio" trash (old food from the week. Sort of like carrying around the contents of a garbage disposal.)
2. IRONING
3. Hanging up washing. Specifically the other-people's-underwear part
4. Wiping kiddie bums/holding kiddies whilst they perform urgent bodily functions in public places
5. Being farted on by kids. Okay, not a chore, but it happens so frequently it should be.


10 Food Items I Desperately Miss
1. Fat-free milk
2. Cheap Mexican food
3. Black beans
4. Cookies (Germans rock at pastries but are AWFUL at cookies.)
5. Reese's peanut butter cups
6. Sushi that is a) cheap and b) not served on a conveyor belt
7. Cheddar cheese
8. Good breakfast cereals
9. Brown sugar
10. Doritos


5 Top Milka Flavors
1. Toffee
2. Vanilla pudding
3. Whole hazelnut
4. Chocolate-covered lentil
5. Oreo


5 Things I've Found in my Purse
1. Dead flowers that were "for Mami und Papi!"
2. About 10 acorns Kilian found at the park and insisted were hazelnuts
3. Any one of Cliona's four "Hazi" stuffed rabbits
4. A pacifier (no longer, thank goodness)
5. Chunks of pretzel from who knows how long ago

5 Dumbest Reasons Kilian has Thrown Temper Tantrums
1. He didn't like his birthstone (that was today. Seriously.)
2. Cliona found her mom's keys and he didn't.
3. There was ham sticking out of the side of his sandwich.
4. I successfully caught him with "Look, a distraction!"
5. Cliona got more juice than him.

Weisse spargel

Unusual Produce Commonly Found at the Market
1. Leeks
2. Rhubarb
3. Currants (Johannisbeeren)
4. Watercress
5. Dragon fruit
6. White asparagus (Which I think looks like...well, I'll let you decide)


10 Most Amusing German Names
         Boys
1. Jürgen
2. Moritz
3. Bernhardt
4. Ansgar
4. Florian
        Girls
1. Leonie
2. Sylke
3. Sabine
4. Marijke
5. Ulrike

4 Fashion Choices that are Only Acceptable in this Country
1. Shorts with nylons
2. Moustaches that are obviously created with a curling iron
3. Colorful silk scarves on men
4. Socks with sandals



Okay, that's all I've come up with! A wonderful week to you all--I promise another blog before May!

Super concerned  with the fate of whatever cartoon character they're watching

Pretty girl on the way to the park

Interlude: Germany--A Cultural Examination

Since not a whole lot has happened and I've been slowly collecting amusing/intriguing/disgusting/awesome cultural items of amusement in the nine days I've been here, this post is to illuminate those things, complete with pictures!


Driving/Transportation:

• Traffic signals are turned off at night. I'm still intrigued by this. Not in areas in center city that stay busy, but in small suburban areas that only really see traffic during rush hours, off they go at around 8 PM. I realized this after (twice) waiting at the signal by my house to cross to the bus stop. For like five minutes. Which brings me to another point...
• Germans are notoriously law-abiding. If the little green man (walk indicator) is not there, they won't go. And if you do go, more than likely a police officer will pull over and yell at you. I've seen this happen.

• Cars are all generally a lot smaller than ours in the States. A typical SUV would be unable to go anywhere here. 
• Parallel parking is basically a free-for-all. It's pretty irrelevant which direction you're facing, and parking at least somewhat on the curb happens as often as not. Probably more.
• In keeping with their love for rules, if you're breaking them, it's your own problem. In this instance, if you're crossing a road you aren't supposed to or at a time you shouldn't be or when a car's coming, chances are that car isn't going to slow down in the slightest. You may have to run for it.
• Streets have only about three lanes, all separated by dashed white lines. How do you tell which lane goes what way? I'm just glad I'm not driving.
  

Food

• Germans are definitely less body-obsessed than Americans. Bikinis are worn almost universally--and by universally, I mean the sixty-year-old women who've had five children and eat nothing but cheese and sausage wear them.  There's a reputation for there being a lot of nude sunbathers in the English Gardens in the center of town, but I think most of the people talking excitedly about this are imagining them all to be budding playboy models. Oh, not so.
• In the same vein, there's no such thing (that I've encountered) as fat-free milk (standard types are 3,5% fat and 1,5% fat) or as whole-wheat bread/pasta. 

• Almost every food or food-preparation or toiletry item you'd ever wish for can be found made by the seemingly ubiquitous brand of Ja! (Yes!).  
• The largest size of milk or juice you can buy is a liter.
• Grocery stores have bags, but they cost money and you're basically a completely terrible person if you use one. I bring a convenient little basket with me to do grocery shopping, which is lovely until I realize I have to walk home with it. I usually bring back some zucchini or mayonnaise in my purse.
• All of the fruit we buy ends up covered by little fruit flies after like five minutes. I'm not sure if this is all of Germany or just my house? (I really hope not.) This doesn't bother anyone though; you just shake them off.
• Germans eat more cheese than any people I've ever met. It's so delicious and so bad. 
• Stores sell lots of "American-style" food, all of which is the worst example of American food you'd find. German Wonderbread, jumbo marshmallows, et cetera. 

Living

• I've talked your ears off about the laundry ideas, but here's a photo:

• I've also explained the trash system a bit, but here's to illustrate:

• Also, emptying the "Biobag" (where all the food-y items are thrown away) is one of the most disgusting jobs ever. It's sort of like if your garbage disposal emptied into a large canister and you had to toss it out once every couple of days.
• Microwaves are one of the trickiest things to use, due mainly to the concept that words are somehow not appropriate to use. Our microwave has a dial with different settings, most of which I don't understand. The one with the asterisks is defrost, the one with lots of lines means it's really hot, but the rest I don't know. Ovens have similar settings.

Cryptic microwave

• If you've traveled in Europe before you may recall how their windows/doors work, but I'd forgotten and spent most of an evening convinced the door was broken. Windows don't have screens but can either be opened completely (swung out like one would open a book) or pulled out at the top (thus my fear of them being broken). Actually quite ingenious; bugs generally don't come in that way but it lets in a good amount of air. Observe:

• Everything is much smaller here. You can take my word for it for the most part, but here's the refrigerator (I'm fairly sure most dorm room fridges are bigger than this!):

Small refrigerator with five people's worth of food!

And some other random things:

• Pansies (the flower) are called Stiefmütterchen--little stepmothers. My host family didn't know why. This amuses me greatly.
• When delivery men drop things off, they come in the backyard through the gate to leave it on the back table. I guess they just don't want anyone to take it? Quite nice of them, really.
• Dog warnings tend to be very serious and overly detailed. This one tells you exactly how much time you have before being attacked depending on what you're doing. It begins with "Warning! I can hear you!"

Vicious people-eating dog

• Slugs are huge. And everywhere.

Eww

• The doors in the area all have the same curious chalk inscription on the top, reading, "20* C + M + B 10." It looked rather tacky to me, but it apparently comes from an ancient tradition of the Starsinger Boys, who would come around and carol to different houses for Epiphany, dating back hundreds and hundreds of years. Now it's sort of a trick-or-treating type of thing around Christmas time (usually for money which is donated to different causes), but it represents the procession of the three wise men to Jesus' cradle. The C + M + B stands for Caspar, Melchior, and Balthazar, and the 20 and 10 are, naturally, the end of the year 2010.  I'm pretty sure if this was tried in the States, the doers would be arrested for vandalism at the very least, but here it's good luck to leave it up for the entire year, and nearly every house I've seen have it (including our front door, pictured):

Front door of the house

That's about all I can come up with now, but I'll show you a couple pictures of my neighborhood and house so you can get it all in perspective.

Walk back from the market in Waldperlach

                                                     

Street sign (that's my house just behind it)

My house -- Agrippastraße 12

On childcare, public transportation, and general observations

I can't believe I've only been here three days (less, really, if you're counting hourly). Today was the most time I've had alone with the kids. Yesterday my host dad took the day off work and we went to the supermarket and the park with the kids so I could get familiar with the area. On Fridays my host mom works from home, but she shuts herself in the office in the cellar to get work done, so I had the kids from 9 AM to about 1:30 PM.

They really are the cutest kids. They're generally very easy to entertain, and they play together very well. They love reading stories, though storytime usually results in a squabble over whose book to read and who gets to sit on my lap whilst reading. Today consisted of a lot of Shel Silverstein, Horrid Henry's Big Bad Book, and several repetitions of Rainbow Rob the Black-and-White Penguin. Cliona was pulling for A Child's First Book of Irish, but I managed to distract her by making animal noises instead--my Gaelic is about as close to non-existent as one can get.

Kilian always refers to Cliona as "My Sister" (you can see the capital letters when he says it), as in "My Sister needs her chair pushed in," or "My Sister doesn't like red sauce on her pasta." His English is just about perfect (though we encountered a bit of a stumble when he asked me what one's "spirit" was...I didn't have a very good answer, I'm afraid). He adores his little sister but loves pestering her (a common command from his parents is Kilian, nicht ärgern! (don't be annoying)). His greatest setback today was when he couldn't successfully braid my hair. Too difficult.

Cliona is about six weeks shy of three, but she really does keep up with Kilian very well. I dread the demands of "Ich auch!" (Me too!) whenever Kilian does something daring like slide down a pole or jump his bike off a little hill. I usually understand her pretty well, but as Kilian's informed me, she speaks "Denglish" more than anything else, so fortunately my German is good enough to get most of her requests. She's definitely at the age of independence: most things she tries are qualified with "Ich mach's alleine!" (I do it alone!) She's very good-natured but when she starts getting hungry (about every two hours), she turns into something of a devil child. Fortunately it's very easily remedied.

They love riding their bikes to the park to play. Kilian has a big-boy bike, and Cliona is incredibly fast on her junior bike (just a bike without pedals that she pushes with her feet). They're excellent at waiting for me to cross streets and are altogether very well-mannered. The biggest frustration of today was that Mama was just downstairs working! They snuck down to see her several times when I was distracted, but they managed to hold out pretty well.

Most of the spoken mistakes I made are not in German but in English. Kilian has no qualms about instantly correcting me, so I catch on well. Yesterday I made the mistake of referring to his jeans as "pants" instead of "trousers"; in Irish-English, which they speak, pants are underwear. Bell peppers are called paprika, which I can never remember. Kilian also does not appreciate the abbreviation of 'kay for okay or tomatoes with a long a.


Last night I ventured into downtown Munich on my own to meet my family's previous au pair and her friends. The journey was entirely successful; not even a turnstile to get stuck in. I have a monthly transportation pass, but having it or not is really just on the honor system (I suppose they must occasionally check, but I've yet to experience it). I am proud to say my first purchase in Germany was a beer, as should be. For €1,50 you can purchase a large bottle of beer from kiosks in the train stations. And not only can you drink in public, people actually come up and collect your empty beer bottles! It's fairly incredible.

And to finish this post, some general things I've noticed so far:

• Germans are obsessive about trash. There are five bins in our house: paper recyclables, soiled paper recyclables, food trash, glass recycling, and general trash.
• No one locks up their bikes.
• The rain is not an inconvenience; people walk their babies anyway, usually with a huge plastic shield over the stroller. 
• Hygiene is not an issue. I don't know about how often showers are taken, but my host family have all worn the same outfit multiple days in the row (with the exception of Cliona, whose clothing is usually rather chocolate-y or tomato sauce-y by the end of the day, but she has made up for it by wearing the same underwear three days in a row). 
• To get a shopping cart in the store, you have to insert a Euro into a slot on the cart, which unchains it from the other carts. Incentive not to steal, I suppose, though if you really wanted a shopping cart I'm sure you'd lose the Euro for it.
• Dinner is a very unimportant meal. In my family, it's referred to as tea (though there's no tea involved in it), and has consisted thus far of bread, cheese, and smoked salmon/ham.  

My natural politeness with people I don't know very well has never really been a bad thing, but it's gotten me into a bit of trouble here. I naturally decline when offered to have food bought for me or asked if I'm hungry, so yesterday I consumed maybe 800 calories total (400 of which were beer). I think I learned my lesson at least a bit from that. Food is important. 

I know there's more, but I can't remember just now. Tragedy! Off to have my lunch and enjoy my afternoon off. Kilian's friend Ben is here playing, so nothing for me to do. They have the sweetest friendship: they both shout with delight when one comes over and both cry when it's time to leave. It's adorable.