Deutschland: The List Edition

     So sue me, but I'm feeling too lazy to write a genuine blog. I promise, I'm saving all my good stories for a final end-of-April post! In the meantime, enjoy these random compilations. There are sort of a lot, so feel free to peruse as you like:


Five Items You Probably Won't Find at an American McDonald's
1. Beer
2. Baked Camembert with cranberry sauce
3. Shrimp McWrap
4. Cornetto McFlurry
5. McCroissant

10 Things that Will Never Catch on in America
1. Payment for newspapers on the "honor system"
2. Not tipping in restaurants
3. Postal workers delivering mail on bikes (even in the rain. And snow)
4. Closing the entire city for any and every religious holiday
5. Brotzeit : bread and cheese for dinner. Every day.
6. Drying clothes on lines instead of a dryer, then having to iron EVERYTHING.
7. Trials that are judged by a judge and no jury. (Ever. Isn't that weird?)
8. Everyone speaking at least one foreign language
9. Bringing your own basket to the store. (& just walking to the store.)
10. All shops being closed on Sundays

10 Things That Really Should Catch on in America
1. Laufrads (bikes without pedals for little kids)
2. Sorting trash into glass, paper, compost, and hazardous waste
3. Bookstores providing comfortable seating for more than 5 people (to you, B&N)
4. Adding tax to individual items on menus so it's easier to split checks
5. Not having a problem with people wanting to split checks
6. Riding bikes almost everywhere
7. The trash service comes in the morning before the trucks and put your cans on the street for you
8. Ruhezeit -- no loud music, mowing lawns, etc. from 12-2 every day so kids can nap
9. Beer as an acceptable beverage at all hours. Even with breakfast.
10. Taking two hours for a meal. And for coffee.

5 Things I Will Never Understand
1. Not teaching kids to read until they're 6 or 7 years old
2. That elementary school goes from 8 AM to 11 AM every day (and that's all. What?)
3. That you have to pay for ketchup at McDonald's
4. Why the people who invented German thought der, die, and das were necessary
5. Why people don't drink water. And why "still" water is gross.

10 Things Americans are Way Better At
1. Free, cold, automatically-refilled water at restaurants
2. Free restrooms
3. Cheap food
4. Throwing away cigarette butts
5. Not smoking in public places
6. Separation of church and state (which, to be fair, Germany definitely isn't even trying for)
7. Choice of fast food
8. Going to the gym
9. Streets wide enough for cars to pass each other
10. Good television shows

10 Things Germans are Way Better At
1. Public transportation
2. Alcohol regulation (read: no open-container laws)
3. Cheap alcohol
4. Delicious bread
5. CHOCOLATE
6. Throwing away everything but cigarette butts
7. Gun control/crime control/general safety
8. Availability of ethnic food
9. Taking advantage of beautiful weather
10. Health insurance/maternity leave (guaranteed your job back up to three years after child's birth)


12 British v. American Words I Most Frequently Screw Up
1. bin (trashcan)
2. pants (underwear)
3. trousers (pants)
4. stabilisers (training wheels)
5. boot-skates (roller skates)
6. rocket (arugula)
7. cappie (baseball cap)
8. tomAHto (tomAYto)
9. tracksuit (sweats/sweat pants)
10. soother (pacifier)
11. nappy (diaper)
12. mobile (cell phone)


5 American Songs Germans Love
1. Sweet Caroline
2. Hit the Road, Jack
3. Sweet Home Alabama
4. Summer of '69
5. Hotel California



5 Bavarian Foods That Will Never Be Popular Outside of Germany
1. Leberwurst (liverwurst)
2. Leberkäse (beef, pork, bacon, onion meatloaf, kind of)
3. Obatzda (horseradish garlic camembert dip)
4. Knödel (large bread dumplings served in beef sauce)
5. Steckerlfisch (a whole fish with a stick through it cooked over an open fire)


6 Biggest Munich Breweries
1. Augustiner
2. Hacker-Pschorr
3. Hofbräu
4. Löwenbräu
5. Paulaner
6. Spaten




5 Grossest/Least-Favorite Au Pair Chores
1. Emptying the "Bio" trash (old food from the week. Sort of like carrying around the contents of a garbage disposal.)
2. IRONING
3. Hanging up washing. Specifically the other-people's-underwear part
4. Wiping kiddie bums/holding kiddies whilst they perform urgent bodily functions in public places
5. Being farted on by kids. Okay, not a chore, but it happens so frequently it should be.


10 Food Items I Desperately Miss
1. Fat-free milk
2. Cheap Mexican food
3. Black beans
4. Cookies (Germans rock at pastries but are AWFUL at cookies.)
5. Reese's peanut butter cups
6. Sushi that is a) cheap and b) not served on a conveyor belt
7. Cheddar cheese
8. Good breakfast cereals
9. Brown sugar
10. Doritos


5 Top Milka Flavors
1. Toffee
2. Vanilla pudding
3. Whole hazelnut
4. Chocolate-covered lentil
5. Oreo


5 Things I've Found in my Purse
1. Dead flowers that were "for Mami und Papi!"
2. About 10 acorns Kilian found at the park and insisted were hazelnuts
3. Any one of Cliona's four "Hazi" stuffed rabbits
4. A pacifier (no longer, thank goodness)
5. Chunks of pretzel from who knows how long ago

5 Dumbest Reasons Kilian has Thrown Temper Tantrums
1. He didn't like his birthstone (that was today. Seriously.)
2. Cliona found her mom's keys and he didn't.
3. There was ham sticking out of the side of his sandwich.
4. I successfully caught him with "Look, a distraction!"
5. Cliona got more juice than him.

Weisse spargel

Unusual Produce Commonly Found at the Market
1. Leeks
2. Rhubarb
3. Currants (Johannisbeeren)
4. Watercress
5. Dragon fruit
6. White asparagus (Which I think looks like...well, I'll let you decide)


10 Most Amusing German Names
         Boys
1. Jürgen
2. Moritz
3. Bernhardt
4. Ansgar
4. Florian
        Girls
1. Leonie
2. Sylke
3. Sabine
4. Marijke
5. Ulrike

4 Fashion Choices that are Only Acceptable in this Country
1. Shorts with nylons
2. Moustaches that are obviously created with a curling iron
3. Colorful silk scarves on men
4. Socks with sandals



Okay, that's all I've come up with! A wonderful week to you all--I promise another blog before May!

Super concerned  with the fate of whatever cartoon character they're watching

Pretty girl on the way to the park

On childcare, public transportation, and general observations

I can't believe I've only been here three days (less, really, if you're counting hourly). Today was the most time I've had alone with the kids. Yesterday my host dad took the day off work and we went to the supermarket and the park with the kids so I could get familiar with the area. On Fridays my host mom works from home, but she shuts herself in the office in the cellar to get work done, so I had the kids from 9 AM to about 1:30 PM.

They really are the cutest kids. They're generally very easy to entertain, and they play together very well. They love reading stories, though storytime usually results in a squabble over whose book to read and who gets to sit on my lap whilst reading. Today consisted of a lot of Shel Silverstein, Horrid Henry's Big Bad Book, and several repetitions of Rainbow Rob the Black-and-White Penguin. Cliona was pulling for A Child's First Book of Irish, but I managed to distract her by making animal noises instead--my Gaelic is about as close to non-existent as one can get.

Kilian always refers to Cliona as "My Sister" (you can see the capital letters when he says it), as in "My Sister needs her chair pushed in," or "My Sister doesn't like red sauce on her pasta." His English is just about perfect (though we encountered a bit of a stumble when he asked me what one's "spirit" was...I didn't have a very good answer, I'm afraid). He adores his little sister but loves pestering her (a common command from his parents is Kilian, nicht ärgern! (don't be annoying)). His greatest setback today was when he couldn't successfully braid my hair. Too difficult.

Cliona is about six weeks shy of three, but she really does keep up with Kilian very well. I dread the demands of "Ich auch!" (Me too!) whenever Kilian does something daring like slide down a pole or jump his bike off a little hill. I usually understand her pretty well, but as Kilian's informed me, she speaks "Denglish" more than anything else, so fortunately my German is good enough to get most of her requests. She's definitely at the age of independence: most things she tries are qualified with "Ich mach's alleine!" (I do it alone!) She's very good-natured but when she starts getting hungry (about every two hours), she turns into something of a devil child. Fortunately it's very easily remedied.

They love riding their bikes to the park to play. Kilian has a big-boy bike, and Cliona is incredibly fast on her junior bike (just a bike without pedals that she pushes with her feet). They're excellent at waiting for me to cross streets and are altogether very well-mannered. The biggest frustration of today was that Mama was just downstairs working! They snuck down to see her several times when I was distracted, but they managed to hold out pretty well.

Most of the spoken mistakes I made are not in German but in English. Kilian has no qualms about instantly correcting me, so I catch on well. Yesterday I made the mistake of referring to his jeans as "pants" instead of "trousers"; in Irish-English, which they speak, pants are underwear. Bell peppers are called paprika, which I can never remember. Kilian also does not appreciate the abbreviation of 'kay for okay or tomatoes with a long a.


Last night I ventured into downtown Munich on my own to meet my family's previous au pair and her friends. The journey was entirely successful; not even a turnstile to get stuck in. I have a monthly transportation pass, but having it or not is really just on the honor system (I suppose they must occasionally check, but I've yet to experience it). I am proud to say my first purchase in Germany was a beer, as should be. For €1,50 you can purchase a large bottle of beer from kiosks in the train stations. And not only can you drink in public, people actually come up and collect your empty beer bottles! It's fairly incredible.

And to finish this post, some general things I've noticed so far:

• Germans are obsessive about trash. There are five bins in our house: paper recyclables, soiled paper recyclables, food trash, glass recycling, and general trash.
• No one locks up their bikes.
• The rain is not an inconvenience; people walk their babies anyway, usually with a huge plastic shield over the stroller. 
• Hygiene is not an issue. I don't know about how often showers are taken, but my host family have all worn the same outfit multiple days in the row (with the exception of Cliona, whose clothing is usually rather chocolate-y or tomato sauce-y by the end of the day, but she has made up for it by wearing the same underwear three days in a row). 
• To get a shopping cart in the store, you have to insert a Euro into a slot on the cart, which unchains it from the other carts. Incentive not to steal, I suppose, though if you really wanted a shopping cart I'm sure you'd lose the Euro for it.
• Dinner is a very unimportant meal. In my family, it's referred to as tea (though there's no tea involved in it), and has consisted thus far of bread, cheese, and smoked salmon/ham.  

My natural politeness with people I don't know very well has never really been a bad thing, but it's gotten me into a bit of trouble here. I naturally decline when offered to have food bought for me or asked if I'm hungry, so yesterday I consumed maybe 800 calories total (400 of which were beer). I think I learned my lesson at least a bit from that. Food is important. 

I know there's more, but I can't remember just now. Tragedy! Off to have my lunch and enjoy my afternoon off. Kilian's friend Ben is here playing, so nothing for me to do. They have the sweetest friendship: they both shout with delight when one comes over and both cry when it's time to leave. It's adorable.